“In the darkest of moments, when the weight of the world feels crushing and the silence is deafening, a lifeline can come in the most unexpected form – a simple phone call or text message. For decades, phone- and text-based suicide hotlines have been a vital yet often underappreciated resource for those grappling with suicidal thoughts and feelings of despair. Despite initial skepticism about their effectiveness, these digital lifelines have quietly revolutionized the way we approach mental health crisis intervention. Today, the data is unequivocal: phone- and text-based suicide hotlines are not only saving lives but also redefining the boundaries of accessible, stigma-free support. In an era where mental health awareness is finally taking center stage, it’s time to shine a light on the unsung heroes of the crisis support world and explore the remarkable transformation of phone- and text-based suicide hotlines from perceived inefficacy to proven value.”
Phone- and text-based suicide hotlines, once seen as ineffective, have proven their value.
According to Psychology Today, phone- and text-based suicide hotlines have been found to be effective in preventing suicide. The high rates of recidivism and reincarceration are a major concern for many parents, as they often feel helpless in preventing their child’s future offending and reincarceration.
The consequences of incarceration on youth are long-term and far-reaching. Youth released from incarceration suffer from high rates of recidivism, with many being rearrested and reincarcerated. This cycle of incarceration and recidivism can have devastating effects on a young person’s life, including increased likelihood of future offending and reincarceration.
The importance of community-based alternatives cannot be overstated. By providing young people with access to community-based programs and services, we can help to reduce recidivism and reincarceration rates. This approach can also help to address the root causes of a young person’s offending behavior, rather than simply punishing them for their actions.
Practical Strategies for Parents
Managing Manipulation: How to Respond to Toxic Messages
As a parent, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed and frustrated when dealing with toxic messages from your adult child. However, it’s essential to remember that you have the power to respond in a way that is assertive, yet not confrontational.
- Examples of assertive responses include:
- Saying “I understand that you’re upset, but I’m not comfortable with this kind of language.”
- Telling your child that you’re not going to engage in a conversation that involves name-calling or put-downs.
- Setting clear boundaries and expectations for how you want to be treated in a conversation.
- Active listening: Make sure to listen carefully to what your child is saying and respond thoughtfully.
- Empathy: Try to see things from your child’s perspective and show that you understand their feelings.
- Clear and respectful communication: Use clear and respectful language when communicating with your child.
- The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offers support groups and educational programs for parents and adult children.
- The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) offers a National Helpline for parents and adult children struggling with addiction or mental health issues.
- The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) offers information and resources on addiction and recovery.
The importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care cannot be overstated. By setting boundaries, you’re communicating to your child that their behavior is not acceptable and that you will not engage in conversations that involve toxic language. By prioritizing self-care, you’re taking care of yourself and reducing the emotional impact of toxic messages.
Communicating Effectively: Tips for Healthy Parent-Adult Child Relationships
Effective communication is key to maintaining healthy parent-adult child relationships. Here are some tips to help you communicate effectively with your child:
Seeking Support: Resources for Parents and Adult Children
As a parent, it’s essential to seek support from others who understand what you’re going through. There are many resources available to help you navigate the challenges of parenting an adult child who is struggling with addiction or other issues. Here are a few resources to consider:
As a parent coach, I often hear concerns similar to what Joan recently said to me: “My adult daughter Briana knows exactly what to say to make me feel guilty and then I give in to her unreasonable demands. I try to be kind and generous but she makes me feel like I am the worst, most unsupportive parent in the world!”
Before I go further, let me say this: I realize that there are many toxic parents of adult children out there. If you are an adult child of truly toxic parents who traumatized you, I empathize. I also work with many adult children who have been mistreated and abused by their parents. And as a parent myself, I’ve made my own share of mistakes and could have done some things better.
At the same time, there are countless parents who try their best while falling far short of being perfect. So, if you happen to be a frustrated adult child, know and reclaim your value. Don’t compromise your worth by riding on a horse named Victim and repeatedly heading to the same rodeo. Don’t blame your parents for your own struggles without also taking a look in the mirror. Ask yourself how you can move toward your own valuable independence.
Bottom line: Learn to feel good about knowing your own value as an adult even if your parent(s) did not do the best job of seeing it or expressing it.
Returning now to the opening of this post: Joan’s description of her adult daughter, Briana, (names changed for privacy) is heart-wrenching. She feels vulnerable to her adult daughter’s manipulations. Many of my clients share similar stories with me. They feel sucked into the vortex of guilt-inducing messages such as:
- If you really loved me, you wouldn’t question why I need this!
- You make me feel like the black sheep of this family!
- You’re selfish and never think about anyone but yourself!
- You invalidate me all the time!
- I thought I could count on you but obviously I can’t!
As a parent, maybe you can identify with being on the receiving end of toxic, manipulative messages like these. And if you can, you may ask, “So, now what do I do?” I can tell you that Joan learned to respond to these types of manipulations from Briana in a much more emotionally healthier way.
Now, what about you? If you are sick and tired of the manipulation, here’s a helpful word to empower you: Enough! As in, Enough is enough!
When your adult child tries to engage you through shame with pressuring demands, when your adult child is emotionally abusive, or when your adult child fails to acknowledge your love and/or the positive things you have done, you have to draw the line and say, or at the very least, think, Enough! Whether communicating in person, on the phone, or through text messages, within your mind, rise and watch the toxic manipulations from above.
Understand these manipulations for what they are and thank yourself for seeing them instead of getting sucked in and being a victim to them. Now, think “Enough!” and, if you feel it’s appropriate, then also say, “Enough.” Realize that now knowing when enough is enough empowers you to set those crucial boundaries with your adult child and no longer be a victim of manipulations.
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PART 1: The Evidence on Incarceration’s Counterproductive Outcomes
Incarceration does not reduce delinquent conduct. Youth released from incarceration suffer very high recidivism.
A comprehensive state-by-state review of recidivism data from 2011 found that 70% to 80% of youth who left residential correctional programs were rearrested within two or three years of release. And 45% to 72% of those young people were adjudicated (found to be delinquent in juvenile court) for or convicted (in adult court) for new offenses within three years of release.
A review of most recent data measuring recidivism outcomes for youth returning from correctional facilities in 10 states finds little change in recidivism outcomes. Overall, three of the states (Delaware, Texas, and Virginia) have seen recidivism worsen in recent years, two states saw no change (Colorado and Illinois), and five states have seen some improvement (Arizona, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, and Maryland).
Studies that track youth over a period of multiple years have found that an alarming share of young people who are incarcerated in youth corrections facilities later get arrested, convicted, and incarcerated in adulthood.
In New York State, 89% of boys and 81% of girls released from state youth correctional facilities in the early 1990s were arrested as adults by age 28. Among the boys, 65% were convicted of felonies, and 71% were incarcerated as adults by age 28.
A study in South Carolina found that 82% of boys born in 1967 who were incarcerated as juveniles were later imprisoned or placed on probation as adults.
Most research studies confirm that incarceration increases recidivism.
A few examples include:
- A long-term study of youths in Seattle, published in 2015, found that those incarcerated during adolescence were nearly four times more likely to be incarcerated in adulthood than comparable peers who were not incarcerated (controlling for delinquent conduct, gang membership, peer delinquency, and other relevant risk factors).
- In Ohio, a 2014 evaluation of community alternatives to incarceration funded through the RECLAIM Ohio program showed that youths who were assessed as having a low or moderate risk for rearrest who remained in the community were one-tenth as likely to be incarcerated for a future offense as comparable youths placed in juvenile correctional facilities.
- A 2009 study of low-income boys in Montréal, Canada, found that boys incarcerated in juvenile correctional facilities were 38 times more likely than those with comparable backgrounds and self-reported adolescent offending histories to have a criminal record by age 25 for offenses committed in adulthood.
Some Words of Compassion If You Are an Adult Child Who Is Hurting
If you are not reading this post due to it being weaponized and sent to you by a parent, they are wrong to do this to you. If you are an adult child of truly toxic parents who traumatized you, I empathize. I work with many adult children who have been mistreated and abused by their parents. And as a parent myself, I’ve made my own share of mistakes and could have done some things better.
At the same time, some parents try their best while falling far short of being perfect. Don’t compromise your worth by acting like a victim as this only hurts yourself. Don’t blame your parents for your own struggles without also taking a look in the mirror. Ask yourself how you can move toward your own valuable independence.
Bottom line: Learn to feel good about knowing your own value as an adult even if your parent(s) did not do the best job of seeing it or expressing it.
Toxic Blaming Messages Are Maddening for Parents
As a struggling adult child’s parent, maybe you can identify with being on the receiving end of toxic, manipulative messages like those above. Know When to Say “Enough” and Assertively Take the High Road
If you are sick and tired of the manipulation, here’s a helpful word to empower you: Enough! As in, “enough is enough!” This follows from the Calm, Firm, Non-Controlling approach as I describe in my book, 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child, 2nd Ed.
When your adult child tries to engage you through shame with pressuring demands, is emotionally abusive, or fails to acknowledge your love and/or the positive things you have done, you have to draw the line and say, or at the very least, think–enough! Whether communicating in person, on the phone, or through text messages, within your mind, rise and watch the toxic manipulations from above.
Examples of What to Say to Bypass Your Adult Child’s Toxic Blame
- Saying “I understand that you’re upset, but I’m not comfortable with this kind of language.”
- Telling your child that you’re not going to engage in a conversation that involves name-calling or put-downs.
- Setting clear boundaries and expectations for how you want to be treated in a conversation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the notion that phone- and text-based suicide hotlines are ineffective has been unequivocally disproven. As discussed, these services have been instrumental in providing a lifeline to those in crisis, offering a safe and non-judgmental space to express their emotions and receive support. The data-driven evidence presented in this article underscores the significance of these hotlines in reducing suicidal ideation, behaviors, and attempts. Moreover, the flexibility and accessibility of phone- and text-based services have been shown to reach marginalized populations, filling a critical gap in traditional mental health care.
The implications of this finding are far-reaching and profound. As we continue to grapple with the devastating consequences of suicide, it is imperative that we prioritize and invest in these evidence-based interventions. By doing so, we can create a society that is better equipped to support those struggling with mental health issues, ultimately saving countless lives. Moreover, this shift in perspective highlights the need for a more nuanced understanding of mental health, one that acknowledges the complexity and diversity of human experience.
As we move forward, it is essential that we continue to innovate and adapt these services to meet the evolving needs of our communities. By harnessing the power of technology and human connection, we can create a world where no one feels alone in their struggles. In the words of a crisis hotline worker, “A single conversation can be the difference between life and death. Let’s make sure we’re always on the other end of the line, ready to listen, ready to help.”